Leprechauns and leper-corn aren’t the same thing…

13 Sep

How could I go on this tirade and not bring up Leprechauns? What kind of person would that make me? Here’s the thing Leprechauns, it’s not that I don’t like you as such it’s just that you’re about as creepy as a windowless van playing Greensleeves, in short, very creepy. Ha, get it? “In short”, that’s also a euphemism. Ha.

We all know that you’re just drunken midgets with an affinity for wearing green, have I mentioned how there are other colours? You guys hang out at the end of a rainbow which is both undoubtedly awesome and would expose you to multiple different colours so there’s no excuse for that pitiable excuse for a “wardrobe”. Also you guys have a pot of gold, would it be so terrible to help out if you see someone is a little short on money for train fare?

Reasons Leprechauns are more terrifying than Joan Rivers:

1. Wardrobe. Do these guys only have one outfit or something? Why would anyone want to dress like a midget version of Gumby? He wasn’t that great.

2. They’re midgets. Angry, drunken midgets. What’s more terrifying than that? It’s like if you cut a person in a half when they’re done with the screaming and massive blood loss. If physically everything is scaled down then wouldn’t it work mentally as well? They’d have the shortest fuse. I don’t know how much you know about alcoholics but they have a short enough fuse as it is. Also, can you imagine a leprechaun going to A.A?

3. Money. It’s the cause of all evil and clowns, I don’t know if the second part is true but I just hate clowns. Think about it, they have an entire pot of gold and haven’t bought a small island or released a Christmas CD they funded themselves, what are they planning? They have to be up to something.

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