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Just call me Cleo…

30 Apr

Lately I’ve been thinking about food. No, I haven’t been channeling the emotional eater within but rather thinking about the presentation of food. It seems the nicer it looks, the smaller the portion. This got me thinking – is this present anywhere else? Fashion? Totally. Have you seen some of those MAD mini dresses lately? The beading? The sequins? Hold me! but what about men? Could this actually apply to our masculine brethren? If so, Zac Efron is about to lose a lot of followers on Twitter.

So if this was right what would the parameters of the theory be? There should be a scale. Definitely. You see I think with this theory there’s two extreme categories in which the presentation is just simply above and beyond and another in which Ed Hardy shirts are mandatory, however, with both these vastly different categories that for the purpose of science and snappage we will call “Category: JoBro” and “Category: Jon Gosselin” and our happy, SO happy category in the middle will be “Category: Hallelujah”

The Scale of Truth

On your right side you have Category:  JoBros – you know those guys whose pedicures are better than yours? And have that Sportsgirl scarf you’ve been eyeing off since last pay week? All in the name of looking good for all us lucky ladies out there. Maybe it’s a case of something being too good to be true or God/Satan/a Surgeon not giving with both hands as well? Either way all you JoBros out there might as well go home now. Oui?

And on the complete other end of the spectrum we have the Jon Gosselin category – who, fun fact, has douche levels reaching critical, he’s one Ed Hardy tee away from ending the universe as we know it. I think this is a case of karma. Seriously, there’s a price to pay for that level of douchedome and that price is very high for all you Jon Gosselin’s out there.

Despite how differently these guys go about it they’re still, in their minds, grade A presentation wise, so oddly enough they both can apply to this. Never did I think I would say that guys like Zac Efron and Justin Timberlake would have something in common with The Situation.

In the middle we have the best category ever. Your average guy next door, sans douche and country road bag. It really is in the name. Hallelujah.

I know what you’re thinking, can Category: JoBros and Category: Jon Gosselin find away to get intertwined within one another until no one can tell where the other starts? And the answer simply is yes, this is what we’ll call the John Mayer Paradox. It’s terrifying, it’s real and and it’s damn near unstoppable.

Another PSA gone wrong, from Tales of a 21st Century Something or Other

17 Feb

Humble, and not so humble reader alike, I think it’s time we discuss a very important issue. An issue far more important then toe cleavage and 80’s montages combined. We mean business today, folks.

Like with most issues of the day, nothing’s exactly black and white. Sometimes they’re fuchsia. Mmmm fuchsia, clearly one of the loveliest of nail polish colours known to man kind. And today’s topic of PSA is no exception.

Leggings.

If I could file a claim against any type of clothing, leggings would definitely be in my top three. Fraud, anyone? I’ll admit it, with a tunic or a long cardigan or the combination they can look awesome. But come on, unless you have the toush of Aphrodite or Venus or maybe Wonder Woman, please, I beg of you to have mercy on all of those around you and cover it on up. Not only can they be immensely unflattering, especially teamed with a crop top – seriously society, what up? but have you seen some of the prints they come in now?

If you want jeans buy jeans, okay? These aren’t jeans. They’re leggings. I know, I know, you’ve been doing those extra yogalates classes, and that time on the treadmill is really showing so I get that you want to flaunt that hot bod’ you’re rocking – I’d be tempted to do the same but come on, unless you want to be the punchline in everyone of your friends jokes for the next ten years put on some pants. REAL pants.

Oh and and don’t get me started on these “pants” with leopard/floral/snake skin/etc; prints nor their wet look brethren. I still cannot and refuse to even attempt to fathom them.